Smokin'

Four months into the smoking ban, and what a difference it makes. No more waking up the morning after a night out, to the puke-inducing stench of stale cigarette smoke clinging to last night's clothes. One thing most of us hadn't predicted, but have now come to realise, is that the smoke - foul and noxious though it may have been - was in fact doing us a bit of a favour, by masking a few other odours best left unsniffed. Most of them traceable back to you*.

First up, the obvious - plain old sweat. Well, it has been an usually warm summer, so perhaps that shouldn't be a total shock. Then there's beer breath. I'd never noticed that before. Oh, and don't forget farts. Lotsa farts. Personally, I never fart, but other people seem to do it a heck of a lot. And it doesn't get any better when you go through to the toilets. Blimey, if that's how pub toilets smell, they should all be fitted with smoke machines as standard.

* Not you personally, you understand. People in general.