Thursday, December 09, 2004

It's Shite Being Scottish

6 crap things about being Scottish.

1. Rotten teeth.
I blame Irn-Bru for this, unless it is libellous for me to do so, in which case I do not.

2. Ginger hairs.
Head/facial/other (delete as applicable).

3. Pronunciation problems.
Sample phone conversation:
Caller: Hello, is that Mr. Michaeljohn?
Big Al: Nope.
Caller: Mr Micklejohn?
Big Al: Nope.
Caller: Mr Michel-Jean?
Big Al: I'm Scottish, not French.
etc.

4. Gaelic TV Programmes on BBC2.
Less of a problem now that it has moved to Channel 4, but it was a real pisser when the rest of the UK was getting The Simpsons on BBC2 while we got a bunch of subtitled highlanders. Seriously, how many people speak Gaelic anymore? Three? Four?

5. Geographical confusion.
No, I don't know your uncle in Aberdeen. No, really. I don't.

6. Rotten teeth.
Yes, I know. But the one at the back is really playing up tonight.

6 comments:

Jess said...

Hmmm. Well, I know a good dentist, but I suppose it would be a long way for you to go. If you happen to be in town and need some work, I'll give you his number. :)

Big Al said...

Thanks for the offer anyway. Does he do house calls?

Actually, there's a dental surgery just around the corner from where I live. I just don't like going.

liz said...

A-ha! This one-quarter explains my high-amalgam-content teeth.

...Well, how IS it pronounced, then?

Big Al said...

It is pronounced thusly:-

Mee-Kull-John.

Or thereabouts.

liz said...

Oh. Well, too easy--I woulda guessed THAT.

Big Al said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. (In a Marge Simpson sort of way).