For the first time ever, I was sorry when I had to leave the gym this morning. No, really. I'd done the parallel bars thing, the stretching thing, the walking-with-sticks-and-not-falling-over thing, the stairs thing, the step thing (different from the stairs thing), and was finishing up with the exercise-bike thing. While I was doing the usual gormless forward-pedalling as far as my knee would allow, and then back-pedalling, this girl arrived. Early twenties, I'm guessing. Blonde. Not entirely unattractive. Actually, entirely not unattractive. And judging by appearances, no stranger to a gym.
So, yes, I admit it. I was being a dirty old letch. I was enjoying the view. While she was doing something or other on one of those fiendish-looking exercise machines**, she turned in my direction and said something along the lines of "Boiling in here, isn't it?". OK, Al, this is it, this is your big chance to impress her with some incredibly witty rejoinder. Quick, Al, think of something...
"Yeah".
Brilliant. Oscar Wilde would have been proud of that one. Words are your tool.
*The reference to 'my tool' might reel in a few more Google perverts. You never know.
**Don't ask me the names of these things. I can identify an exercise bike, due to its similarity to a regular bike. Other than that, though, forget it.
3 comments:
Maybe it would have been better to say "Words are my tools".
(Although, naturally, not to that particular girl, in response to that particular statement--that would have been a little weird.)
You're right. In that particular context, it would have had something of the Ralph Wiggum to it.
"My cat's name is Mittens!"
Actually, I should have said that.
Well, if we're bringing the Simpsons into it, then you could have used my all-time favorite: the automated house (Pierce Brosnan)'s statement to Marge whe she was trying to call the police to escape.
[in obvious Brosnan-voice] "Hello, this is Constable Wiggums. Please remove your knickers and wait in the bath."
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